perfectplaces | CALL MY BUTT OUT

I -

["I love you," Heigo almost says again, but Shuji would just agree and laugh at him for treating it so solemnly, wouldn't he? Of course they love each other. They always have.

But something has changed.]

- I'm in love with you.

[He would. Maybe not laugh, but he'd smile and tell Heigo that he loves him too, very much.

But in love with you is different. It makes Shuji's eyes widen, a touch of pink to his cheeks.

It isn't the first time he's been confessed to. It wouldn't be the first time he had to turn someone down, except.]

...That isn't something to be sorry for.

[He squeezes Heigo a little more tightly.

Except, even when he was literally falling apart, all he cared about was seeing Heigo smile.]

[Heigo knows full well how many suitors Shuji's had to turn away, and knows most of the recent ones personally. Shuji knows how catastrophically Heigo's one serious relationship ended and how long he's spent wasting time ever since, too scared to cross new bridges but left with virtually none of the old ones intact.

Still, Heigo confesses, and Shuji doesn't immediately reject him. Shuji keeps holding on to him and gives him one of his characteristically gentle scoldings. His own eyes wide and startled, Heigo pulls back and tries to read Shuji's meaning in his face.]

Shuji...

Edited 2019-02-10 02:53 (UTC)

[Shuji looks down at the floor, before forcing himself to meet Heigo's gaze again. His forte is words, but words written down that have gone through several drafts, and it's hard for him to say this properly on the first try, but he has to. Heigo deserves that. They both deserve it.]

When I'm like that, it's impossible to think clearly. I can barely even remember my own name. But I remember that even when I couldn't make a coherent thought about anything else, when I was falling apart, I knew that I wanted to see you smile.

That's a feeling that's more than just friendship.

[... to see him smile?

Heigo feels short of breath all of a sudden, the familiar panic that comes with a rush of emotion too big for him to process, but he swallows it down and faces the impact head-on. What results is probably the biggest smile Shuji's ever seen light up his face, so wide and broad that it carves out new fine lines around his eyes and the corners of his mouth.

He's had worry lines from a ridiculously young age, but not laughter lines.]

I love you. [Now that he knows they're on the same page, he can use the three simplest words for this feeling between quick, light kisses all over Shuji's face.] I love you, Shuji, I love you - I love you -

[It's the most beautiful smile Shuji's ever seen. He'd go through what he did today all over again to see it.

He's smiling too - it's impossible not to when Heigo's kissing his face like that, even if he wanted to do anything else. He's lucky he's not ticklish.]

I love you too, Heigo. -Hold on for a second so I don't bonk my face into you.

[Because Heigo's rush of affection, while beautiful and wonderful and adorable, makes it hard for Shuji to kiss him on the lips without that concern.

But kissing him is very important, so he'll wait patiently until he has an opening, and then gently, sweetly press his lips to Heigo's.

Maybe it shouldn't mean much, given that they've been having sex for this long already and kissed many times. But it feels like a first kiss all over again.]

[Heigo almost takes the opportunity to feast on Shuji's mouth properly, which would lead them right back to that bed and exhaust both of them all over again - but it's a stranger's bed in a place of business, one they've already covered in ink. He can wait until they get to Shuji's place.

Just barely, but he can do it.]

If you can kiss me like that, you can definitely make it home now. [Some of Heigo's usual reserve has slid back into place, his smile more sedate and the twinkle in his eye dimmed, but anyone who knows him would still be able to tell he's much happier than usual.] I'll call a taxi so I don't have to go for my car.

[Because he's still not ready to leave Shuji's side for anything.]

[The owners have been generous enough - Shuji wouldn't want to repay that generosity with grossing up their bed even more.]

I'm ready.

[Shuji reaches for Heigo's hand to give it a squeeze again, then reluctantly lets go, only because holding onto Heigo makes it hard for him to call a taxi, let alone get inside one.]

Let's go home.

[Either of their homes works. Heigo's apartment is a second home to him.]

["Let's go home."

Heigo hasn't lived with someone since the brief pre-disaster period just after college when he shared an apartment with Oda, and that certainly led nowhere good, so why do those words make him long for a single home he and Shuji share?

He looks away with a hint of pink high on his cheeks, then makes sure Shuji's seated comfortably in the front hall before bustling around to tie up loose ends: taxi called, owners of the B&B thanked and given contact info in case he can ever repay the favour, room and bathroom tidied as much as he can manage. He feels electrified just under his skin like he's headed for a job interview, or first date, or something else that could make or break his entire life. Did love always feel like this?

If Shuji lets him, Heigo will hold his hand the entire way back to his apartment, uncaring of who might see and judge.]

[Of course Shuji will hold Heigo's hand the whole way. Heigo would have to pry him off himself.

Heigo's apartment may not look like much to a stranger, but to Shuji, it's warm and comforting. He sighs a huge sigh of relief when they get inside.]

Nothing against the bed and breakfast, but I like your apartment much better.

[The way he could only like the home of someone he adores.]

[Heigo's apartment is an odd place, in that it's packed to bursting with his things and yet nearly devoid of personality because of his meticulous organization. If it were more upscale, it might have the faux-occupied look of a Better Homes and Gardens spread - as it is, his home more closely resembles an unusually cozy storage facility.

That's why he laughs at Shuji's statement: not because he disbelieves the words but because he absolutely believes Shuji could still come to appreciate this poky little space he's called home for too long.]

Do you? [He wraps Shuji up in his arms easily, comfortably, like he's done it every day of his life.] I've been thinking that I'm past due for an upgrade, actually. I hope that wouldn't upset you too much.

[Heigo should write a self-help book for organization.

Shuji leans into Heigo's hold. Warm, comfortable, perfect.]

As long as you're there, anywhere is fine.

[Shuji really is in love too, isn't he? Not that Heigo didn't believe him, but his unabashedly sentimental statements are so in line with Heigo's most secret desires that it's obvious they're on the same page.

Maybe it's worth suggesting, then...]

Mmm, I feel the same about you, if I'm honest. Anywhere that you are would work for me.

[... not a suggestion, but a clear enough hint? Hopefully?]

...If you're looking for an upgrade, there's plenty of free space at the library.

[It's not too bold, even if Shuji is misinterpreting Heigo's hint. The library has large numbers of dorm rooms, so Heigo wouldn't have to share a bedroom with Shuji. Except he obviously would.]

You'll never run out of reading material.

[That's the perfect compromise, really. They'd begin in a fairly neutral space, all things considered, where they could learn to co-exist and see if it's viable for the future. Moving to a dorm room would also mean that Heigo couldn't just shift all his things into a new bland apartment, and really, how much of this does he need now that he's left accounting? How much of it did he ever need?

His time with Retrospec now feels more like his real life than anything that came before, even if he's far from making peace with the third life it's revealed to him. He's perfectly poised for a fresh start with a clean slate, if he can just find the courage to accept it.]

That sounds ideal. If I plan to make my entire living as a writer, I'll need lots of inspiration around me.

We can help with that. Plenty of books, a nice garden...

[Shuji will never really be at peace with his third life, but he wouldn't trade Retrospec leading him to meet Heigo again for anything.]

And I wouldn't have to go as far to see my boyfriend.

[The first time he's used that word for what they are.]

[Of course that's what they are now, but hearing it aloud still makes Heigo suck in a startled gasp. He cups Shuji's cheek in one palm, the other arm still wrapped tight around him, and takes this perfect moment to give Shuji the kiss he's saved until they left the B&B - deep and devouring, intent on claiming Shuji entirely for his own.]

[It's the right time for that kiss. Now, more than ever, Shuji is Heigo's.

Shuji returns the kiss with as much passion as Heigo puts into it, opening his mouth to Heigo immediately. He quivers in Heigo's hold, but not because he can't support himself - this is a shiver of anticipation.

He threads one hand through Heigo's hair and thinks that it'll be a miracle if they make it to the bedroom.]

CALL MY BUTT OUT

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