perfectplaces | CALL MY BUTT OUT

[Most reactions likely won't differ from Shuji's, except for the people who point out that it's about time he cut off that massive dead weight of thankless stress. The things Heigo imagines people prioritize about him and the things they really do are worlds apart.]

There's also something to be said for distractions that eat up most of your time, isn't there? Maybe I ought to find a hobby to fill the gap.

[Since Shuji's made no move to take up any more of the bed, Heigo finally flops onto his back again and allows himself some more room. Long strands of his dark, disheveled hair have fallen across his cheeks and forehead in multiple spots, but he makes no move to brush them away.]

[Heigo can take up as much space as he wants. Since it's a worse position for rubbing his shoulder, Shuji instead brushes Heigo's hair out of his face.]

Maybe a musical instrument?

Mmm... [Heigo's always been weak to any manipulation of his hair, whether in the form of playing with it, fingers running through it, or simple petting. Right now he's too tired to worry about the intensity of pleasure in the little hum that leaves his lips, though he's careful about asking for more:]

Would it make this moment weird if I asked you to keep doing that?

Nope.

[Or at least, not any weirder than it already was. But he's fine with it, and Heigo's fine with it, so it's fine.

Once Heigo's hair is out of his face, Shuji switches to gently running his fingers through it instead.]

Now all really is forgiven...

[Even Heigo's usual dry humour can't hide how much he appreciates the physical affection right now. As he's let himself get close to people again, both new friends and faces from his past(s), he's felt the need for contact come storming back and not found very many options to soothe the old ache.

Well, at least not many he feels this comfortable with. He grins up at Shuji, eyes opening to sleepy half-mast; without his glasses to shield the expressiveness of his eyes, they're practically overflowing with grateful fondness.]

[Heigo is cute, particularly in moments of vulnerability like this. Shuji's honored that he's one of the few allowed to see it.]

Clearly I should pet your hair more often.

Shuji...

[They feel so close right now, so close in every single way, that Heigo's more willing to explain - or try to explain - the experience he went through in trying to use his ability on that book. Even if Heigo's completely wrong, his perspective may be helpful in unraveling the mystery, and he wants to be of some help.]

... when I opened up to your book, what I felt around and inside me wasn't just the linear path of a journey. That's usually the sort of information I absorb from an object - like a road map with notations, charting its existence from beginning to the present. But this was more like a web in which information moved back and forth, and sometimes so erratically that there was no pattern at all...

[What is he really saying? Much as he tries, he can't organize his remembrances, and that's what finally makes his meaning clear.]

If you tried to tell someone the entirety of your history in the length of a second, how do you think your attempts would look?

Something like that, I think.

[Nothing of that surprises him, which makes him feel even worse about what he subjected Heigo to.]

I had a couple of guesses. I don't know the summoning process Dazai went through very well, and I don't think he did either, but they came out of books like this. The best case scenario would be that it's just a book that turns into a scythe now - and I know saying just sounds stupid, but all books have spirits in them. Even math textbooks.

Worst case scenario, it's my soul.

Even math textbooks.

[Classic writer talking to an accountant, but since Heigo's also a writer, he just chuckles to himself.

Shuji's next words cause his laughter to die in his throat, though he doesn't look surprised either.]

So you didn't expect or want this to hurt me, but you knew very well that it might. [Not accusatory - Heigo would be an incredible hypocrite if he tried to say such words as an accusation - just an attempt to lay out the sum total of the truth where it can be seen in its entirety.] I would have said that the book itself is sentient, maybe even alive... but I did feel you in what I was able to understand.

Honestly, I didn't think that it would hurt even if it was my soul. I figured you'd get a look at my life, including the embarrassing parts, and you'd have ammo if you ever wanted to publicly humiliate me, but I wasn't really worried about potentially showing you that? I trust you.

[Which it's why it's worse that he betrayed Heigo's trust this way.]

If I'd realized that it might hurt you, I wouldn't have asked. I swear.

I suppose that if you've spent the entirety of this life in spirit form, your soul wouldn't know me. Some kind of sentient force could have been present and driven me out.

[In fact, it could have done so to protect him, not harm him, especially since his soul would know the presence of Ango Sakaguchi.

Ah. That thought rests in his chest with an odd mixture of pain and deep, deep affection.]

Maybe Dazai was looking out for me, Shuji. There's still no reason to blame yourself so harshly.

You of all people should know how hard it is not to blame yourself when your loved ones hurt. We're similar that way.

[But Heigo's reassurance gets a soft smile out of him.]

I'll try my best.

[Shuji loves much more openly and easily than Heigo does, or at least he's more honest with himself about it. There shouldn't be anything earth shaking about being called one of his loved ones.

Still, Heigo finds his earth so deeply shook that he once again has to close his eyes.]

I'm too tired to keep looking up at you like that. Come here.

[On the damn bed, Shuji. Surely that won't make it weird either.]

[It shouldn't be news. If it is, Shuji will have to be more affectionate.]

Okay, okay.

[Finally, he lies down next to Heigo, facing him. Still gonna play with his hair, though, that's important. Heigo told him not to stop.]

I might get too comfy to bring you any water.

[That's a lie, he absolutely would get out of bed for Heigo's slightest whims.]

[Does always hurting the people who make the mistake of loving him extend to friends, though? Does platonic love qualify Shuji for that dangerous position? That's the last thing Heigo would want for him.

Still, Heigo's determination not to destroy the friendship has been enough to protect Shuji so far. Maybe love won't change that.]

This is more important. If I'd known it was an acceptable demand, I would've made it much sooner.

You could ask for a lot from me and I'd accept it. Lying down in bed with you definitely isn't the worst.

[What is the worst? Probably calling a hit out on someone, or something like that.]

[Heigo's cheeks go hot again, but he doesn't look away. In fact, he shifts onto his side so that he can face Shuji properly.

He may not be great at recognizing flirtation when it's directed at him, and "flirtation" may be the wrong word given their platonic relationship, but even Heigo can neither miss nor ignore that unspoken offer.]

I'd want to be sure it was something you wouldn't just accept. Hopefully there would be some anticipation of enjoying it. [Welp, whether or not Shuji intended for him to go there, Heigo sure just went there.]

[Shuji had not intended for Heigo to go there, but now they have indeed gone there, and he can't say he minds. There's a touch of red in his cheeks.]

If it's a request like that, then I'd say something more like 'enthusiastically agree' instead of 'accept'.

[Hey, things get intimate when you accidentally penetrate someone's soul.

Heigo swallows heavily and wets his lips with his tongue, his heart pounding somewhere in the vicinity of his Adam's apple. There are no misunderstandings here, he knows it; both of them know what they are to the other, and both of them still "enthusiastically agree" with adding another layer of closeness.]

I want you to kiss me, Shuji.

[Penetrate, hm.

There's no reason to hesitate, hem and haw and are you really sure. Shuji leans forward and kisses Heigo, soft and sweet. Like Shuji's feelings about him.

They should have done this ages ago.]

[This really is perfect, isn't it? They love each other, they're attracted to each other, they're romantically uninvolved with anyone, even each other - so long as all those things remain true, it should work just fine. They can acknowledge any changes when and if they arise.

Heigo sighs against Shuji's mouth when the kiss ends, deeply content in a way he hasn't felt for... far too long, anyway. With a hint of shyness to his smile, he takes a turn brushing Shuji's hair off his face, but of course it falls right back into its usual spot.

His own fondness overwhelms him so completely that instead of saying anything, he just returns the kiss with a longer, slower, slightly open-mouthed one, fingers threading more securely into Shuji's hair.]

[Why say anything when they don't need to? Kissing says everything that Shuji has to say, at least for now.

He meets Heigo's kiss a little more deeply this time, resting the hand that isn't busy playing with Heigo's hair on Heigo's cheek. Soft and gentle as ever.

(Or at least, as Heigo's ever known him to be. He has not yet been exposed to Shuji's true level of Thirst.)]

[As much as he enjoys Shuji's sweet touches - little shivers have always played up and down his spine whenever Shuji treats him like he's made of glass - Heigo's having an intense bout of thirst himself. He leans in even closer to suck on Shuji's bottom lip, shifting his weight so that he's no longer just beside Shuji but slightly above him.

Hopefully Shuji wasn't just agreeing to some light, tender kisses, because Heigo's energy has surged right back and he's ready to use it all.]

[This is only an improvement. Shuji gives as good as he gets - when he breaks that kiss it's to press his lips to Heigo's throat instead, sucking a red mark there.

Heigo doesn't have to show up to work in the morning and look presentable, so he doesn't have to worry~]

Shuji -

[Heigo's not objecting. On the contrary, he tightens his fingers in Shuji's hair to make sure he'll keep doing just what he's doing, his breathing suddenly very shallow and quick.]

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