perfectplaces | CALL MY BUTT OUT

[Heigo considers just climbing into bed with Shuji once the latter's cleaned up, but instead he forces himself to do some washing up of his own and then takes up vigil in a bedside chair. His eyes keep darting back and forth between Shuji's face and his chest: is his colour still alright? Is he still breathing?

With a heavy sigh, Heigo leans forward to take Shuji's nearest hand in both of his. He kisses each knuckle, lips chastely dry, then simply holds it against his mouth.]

I love you.

[His eyes are closed when he says it, as if he thinks blinkering that one sense will somehow make the moment less real. It doesn't.

He does fall asleep eventually, sat back in his chair again and listed dangerously to one side.]

[As if Shuji would have minded waking up to Heigo next to him.

When he does wake up, he smiles to see that Heigo did in fact get some sleep. He sits up, and moves to get out of bed so he can prop Heigo up and make sure he doesn't fall out of the chair.

Well, starts to move, because the second he tries to move his legs they remind him that they are not doing that without large amounts of pain.]

Ow, fuck-

[Okay, not trying to stand up anymore. That was a mistake.]

[The sound of Shuji's voice immediately jolts Heigo awake, several spots in his neck and back going off like gunshots as he straightens up in the chair.]

Ugh, I second that "ow, fuck," [He circles his neck and shoulders just enough to snap everything else back into place, then sits forward and takes Shuji's hand again.] No sneaking away on me after you've asked me to stay. I have strict orders not to let you leave until we have a better mode of transport than my shoulder.

I wasn't trying to sneak away! You were leaning over so I was going to get you a pillow so you wouldn't fall off the chair. I forgot that I was injured.

[He has definitely remembered now, thanks.

Shuji squeezes Heigo's hand, which he has so kindly placed in Shuji's reach.]

[A warm, fluttery sensation floods Heigo's chest when Shuji squeezes his hand, and he knows immediately that he's done for. After what they've been through as friends, and then as purely physical lovers, there's no excuse for such a juvenile reaction to simple contact and only one plausible reason: he really has fallen head over heels in love.

Jeez, watch someone almost die in front of you and save their life the way they just saved yours and everything changes for some reason.]

I'll take that as a good sign. [Heigo's smile is a bit too sheepish, his cheeks oddly pink.] Do you need anything? Food, water, a full fountain pen? Or do you think you're ready to head home?

[Weird how that happens.]

The fountain pen would be nice. I don't think I'm walking unassisted without more ink.

[The most difficult item to procure, of course. Heigo grins and sets Shuji's hand back on the bedcover.]

I'll see what I can do. No more attempts to stand while I'm gone.

Trust me, I've remembered that I can't by now. The blissful haze of sleep has faded.

[It was nice while it lasted.]

[Ah yes, wry cynicism - there's the Shuji he knows and...

... eep.]

One moment, then.

[Heigo ducks out so that Shuji won't see his reaction to the end of that thought, then returns a few minutes later and proudly hands Shuji a more modern bottle of ink.]

We lucked out - the owners have a fountain pen for their guestbook.

[Is Shuji just never going to be able to have a conversation with Heigo again.

Shuji downs the ink - he'll appreciate the nice design later. The remaining wounds close up, turning into only scrapes and bruises rather than deep cuts.]

Now can I get up, Nurse Heigo?

[Not until they have The Conversation...

Heigo lets out a long sigh of relief when Shuji really, truly looks recovered, his expression overflowing with fondness that he never shows so openly to anyone else.]

Only if you think you can handle staying up for the longest hug you've ever had in your life.

[And he's gonna get just that when he's out of bed, Heigo's arms tight around him, his nose buried in Shuji's vibrant hair.]

[He can handle it. This time it doesn't cause Shuji pain to wrap his arms around Heigo in return and squeeze him just as tightly.]

I'm okay, I promise. You saved me. ...Sorry for giving you a heart attack.

[But he couldn't allow for a world where Heigo wasn't okay.]

[He feels like his heart is about to explode right out of his chest. That strange link his ability accidentally awakened between them glows bright within him, the momentary glimpse of Shuji's soul and the tiny piece he keeps inside himself, and he cradles Shuji's head in his palm and murmurs:]

I'm still the one who should be sorry. I think I've broken the only rule that exists between us.

[Shuji has always felt this warm in Heigo's embrace. Little has changed, at least on his end.]

...What rule is that?

[There are a number of unspoken rules, the ones that exist in almost any relationship. Don't hurt each other intentionally. Don't talk behind each other's back. Don't share each other's secrets. Rules that Shuji doesn't expect Heigo to ever run the risk of breaking, that neither of them need put into words.]

I -

["I love you," Heigo almost says again, but Shuji would just agree and laugh at him for treating it so solemnly, wouldn't he? Of course they love each other. They always have.

But something has changed.]

- I'm in love with you.

[He would. Maybe not laugh, but he'd smile and tell Heigo that he loves him too, very much.

But in love with you is different. It makes Shuji's eyes widen, a touch of pink to his cheeks.

It isn't the first time he's been confessed to. It wouldn't be the first time he had to turn someone down, except.]

...That isn't something to be sorry for.

[He squeezes Heigo a little more tightly.

Except, even when he was literally falling apart, all he cared about was seeing Heigo smile.]

[Heigo knows full well how many suitors Shuji's had to turn away, and knows most of the recent ones personally. Shuji knows how catastrophically Heigo's one serious relationship ended and how long he's spent wasting time ever since, too scared to cross new bridges but left with virtually none of the old ones intact.

Still, Heigo confesses, and Shuji doesn't immediately reject him. Shuji keeps holding on to him and gives him one of his characteristically gentle scoldings. His own eyes wide and startled, Heigo pulls back and tries to read Shuji's meaning in his face.]

Shuji...

Edited 2019-02-10 02:53 (UTC)

[Shuji looks down at the floor, before forcing himself to meet Heigo's gaze again. His forte is words, but words written down that have gone through several drafts, and it's hard for him to say this properly on the first try, but he has to. Heigo deserves that. They both deserve it.]

When I'm like that, it's impossible to think clearly. I can barely even remember my own name. But I remember that even when I couldn't make a coherent thought about anything else, when I was falling apart, I knew that I wanted to see you smile.

That's a feeling that's more than just friendship.

[... to see him smile?

Heigo feels short of breath all of a sudden, the familiar panic that comes with a rush of emotion too big for him to process, but he swallows it down and faces the impact head-on. What results is probably the biggest smile Shuji's ever seen light up his face, so wide and broad that it carves out new fine lines around his eyes and the corners of his mouth.

He's had worry lines from a ridiculously young age, but not laughter lines.]

I love you. [Now that he knows they're on the same page, he can use the three simplest words for this feeling between quick, light kisses all over Shuji's face.] I love you, Shuji, I love you - I love you -

[It's the most beautiful smile Shuji's ever seen. He'd go through what he did today all over again to see it.

He's smiling too - it's impossible not to when Heigo's kissing his face like that, even if he wanted to do anything else. He's lucky he's not ticklish.]

I love you too, Heigo. -Hold on for a second so I don't bonk my face into you.

[Because Heigo's rush of affection, while beautiful and wonderful and adorable, makes it hard for Shuji to kiss him on the lips without that concern.

But kissing him is very important, so he'll wait patiently until he has an opening, and then gently, sweetly press his lips to Heigo's.

Maybe it shouldn't mean much, given that they've been having sex for this long already and kissed many times. But it feels like a first kiss all over again.]

[Heigo almost takes the opportunity to feast on Shuji's mouth properly, which would lead them right back to that bed and exhaust both of them all over again - but it's a stranger's bed in a place of business, one they've already covered in ink. He can wait until they get to Shuji's place.

Just barely, but he can do it.]

If you can kiss me like that, you can definitely make it home now. [Some of Heigo's usual reserve has slid back into place, his smile more sedate and the twinkle in his eye dimmed, but anyone who knows him would still be able to tell he's much happier than usual.] I'll call a taxi so I don't have to go for my car.

[Because he's still not ready to leave Shuji's side for anything.]

[The owners have been generous enough - Shuji wouldn't want to repay that generosity with grossing up their bed even more.]

I'm ready.

[Shuji reaches for Heigo's hand to give it a squeeze again, then reluctantly lets go, only because holding onto Heigo makes it hard for him to call a taxi, let alone get inside one.]

Let's go home.

[Either of their homes works. Heigo's apartment is a second home to him.]

["Let's go home."

Heigo hasn't lived with someone since the brief pre-disaster period just after college when he shared an apartment with Oda, and that certainly led nowhere good, so why do those words make him long for a single home he and Shuji share?

He looks away with a hint of pink high on his cheeks, then makes sure Shuji's seated comfortably in the front hall before bustling around to tie up loose ends: taxi called, owners of the B&B thanked and given contact info in case he can ever repay the favour, room and bathroom tidied as much as he can manage. He feels electrified just under his skin like he's headed for a job interview, or first date, or something else that could make or break his entire life. Did love always feel like this?

If Shuji lets him, Heigo will hold his hand the entire way back to his apartment, uncaring of who might see and judge.]

[Of course Shuji will hold Heigo's hand the whole way. Heigo would have to pry him off himself.

Heigo's apartment may not look like much to a stranger, but to Shuji, it's warm and comforting. He sighs a huge sigh of relief when they get inside.]

Nothing against the bed and breakfast, but I like your apartment much better.

[The way he could only like the home of someone he adores.]

[Heigo's apartment is an odd place, in that it's packed to bursting with his things and yet nearly devoid of personality because of his meticulous organization. If it were more upscale, it might have the faux-occupied look of a Better Homes and Gardens spread - as it is, his home more closely resembles an unusually cozy storage facility.

That's why he laughs at Shuji's statement: not because he disbelieves the words but because he absolutely believes Shuji could still come to appreciate this poky little space he's called home for too long.]

Do you? [He wraps Shuji up in his arms easily, comfortably, like he's done it every day of his life.] I've been thinking that I'm past due for an upgrade, actually. I hope that wouldn't upset you too much.

CALL MY BUTT OUT

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